Telltale Signs You're Functionally Crazy
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there are crazy people everywhere. They’re waiting at train stations, and browsing in book shops. They’re getting their nails done, and screwing up the roads with their freeform driving.
They’re all over the place. Even that person who looks at you in the mirror each morning is a nutjob.
Relax, I’m joking.
Or am I.
So here’s the thing – craziness is actually a spectrum. There’s crazy, and then there’s crazy-crazy. You don’t have to be hunting for goblins in the frozen foods aisle or digging ten feet “energy trenches” in your garden to be a bit on the strange side.
Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to wear regular civilian clothing and receive compliments like “Oh, isn’t she nice” while also being somewhat nuts.
And let’s not forget that craziness is largely based on perception. I mean, who is the crazy one here – that scraggly guy that sings lullabies to himself in the park, or the “high achiever” that spends eighty hours a week glued to his office chair? Even being normal – whatever that means – seems a bit crazy. Why would anyone choose to be totally normal? No one wants to leave a headstone that reads
“Here lies Sally. She was not crazy at all. Nope, not in the slightest. Sally really played it safe and blended in well. Very normal, was Sally.”
In conclusion, It’s normal to be a bit crazy, and it’s a bit crazy to be normal.
Does that make any sense? I guess not but the point is that some eccentricity and weirdness are not only acceptable but actually quite desirable. We might call this ideal state of madness as being functionally crazy.
But how do you know if you’re functionally crazy, though? Here are some behavioral traits to look out for:
Talking To Yourself
We’re all coaching ourselves through the day to some degree; having an inner dialogue is fairly common. But then there are those who take it to a whole other level. Those who do it with the intensity of an unstable football dad screaming at his kid from the touchline. When the brain chatter becomes a chaotic 24/7 broadcast, then that’s a clear sign you’re a little bonkers.
Maybe you actually vocalize each of these thoughts. Do you talk out loud to yourself and perform a running commentary of your life? No one’s going to put you in a straight-jacket, but yeah, that means you’re crazy.
Chatting with Animals
Let’s be clear – there’s nothing wrong with talking to animals. Dogs, cats, horses, and even cows (who hasn’t said GOOD MORNING SIR! to a cow?) all appreciate a bit of verbal communication.
It’s just that the majority of animals are kind of dumb, and can only understand basic phrases like “sit”, “walkies!” and “Do me a favour Milo, take a crap on the neighbour’s lawn will ya”.
And you know, animals can’t talk.
So when you’re rambling away at them, going on about your mother-in-law, or the latest gas bill, or your plans for the weekend that don’t involve giving them non-stop attention, they’ll likely just look at you like you’re crazy. And they’re probably on to something. Animals might be dumb, but they’re smart enough to recognise a wack job in their presence.
Have you ever had a full-blown argument without it ever happening?
Running a trial confrontation in your own mind seems like a smart way to prepare for any potential conflict. That is until you go ahead and speak to the other person in real life. And you swiftly realise that the internal bust-up you practiced was not just unnecessary, but the utter nonsense of a complete lunatic. Because it turns out you can’t perfectly simulate another person’s exact thoughts on any matter.
Does this sound close to home? Then I hereby charge you with three counts of being slightly bananas.
Deep within the psyche of an off-kilter person is the understanding that at any given moment, life can go sideways. Whether it be a crushingly awkward date, a botched job interview, or just the acute suspicion that anyone that looks you in the eyes without smiling is about to murder you in cold blood, knowing the location of exits seems like a sensible idea.
Doors, windows, manholes, ladders, cliff edges (worst date ever) – for the mildly insane, having all these escapes mapped out is a required security measure.
You Think You're Shiva, God of Destruction
All 27 therapists I’ve seen said you can’t be functional whilst also thinking you’re an omnipotent being.
Still not sure if you qualify? Find out how crazy you are with this quiz: